We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
