I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
