ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
there is puke in my bra ... again
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
