I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
