I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
