U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is Oprah even human
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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