New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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