I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
