Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
