I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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