All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
