where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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