I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
