YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
