somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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