i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize