i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
