If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
