just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
