I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
