I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
