i was born a porn star she said
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
