I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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