my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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