My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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