she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
