i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
