What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
