I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
