So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
