Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
