Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
