I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
