No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You ruined the universe
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
