do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
