I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
