Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
