You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
