When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
