Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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