It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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