Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
