can u get pink eye on your cock?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize