Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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