How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
