..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
