Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
