She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
