i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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