so explain again why im purple
no
You can't motorboat a personality
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
