i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
