I am spending my child support on dildos
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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