why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
