It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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