i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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