I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
