I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
