Betty ford says i'm here all night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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