If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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