I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
