Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
