we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
