My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
