Already got asked if we're dating
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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