I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
