I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize