He kissed a someone with a penis
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
