i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
